Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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