i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
