I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize