I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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