matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
