i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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