idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
