Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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