My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
COCAINE IS GR8
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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