The police scanner is talking about you again....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
