She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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