i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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