So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
