Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
