When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize