So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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