just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
