worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
