Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
