I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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