It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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