the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
