wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize