you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
