So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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