wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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