in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
