Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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