you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
