marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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