explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
