Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize