Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
