guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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