i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
