Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also, beer. Big fan.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
did you just send me my own nude
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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