I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize