I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
