Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
