god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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