I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
