Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
