a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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