Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
