my vag is so smooth its legendary
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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