I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
