you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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