A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
