We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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