Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And then he peed in my hair
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