i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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