The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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