I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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