We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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