You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Found the puke drawer
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize