Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
