He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
