You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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