Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
