I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
