no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I checked into jail on foursquare
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
3pm strippers are depressing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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