he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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