the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
