is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
