Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
