It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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