My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
