Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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