angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
