Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
