yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
