i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
