I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
