I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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