turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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