omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize