that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
