We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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