"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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